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Monday, February 28, 2022

 The New Yorker magazine

Shouts & Murmurs

February 28, 2022 Issue

Dear Ethicist, I’ve Planted Two Bombs

By Dennard Dayle

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/02/28/dear-ethicist-ive-planted-bombs-on-two-buses

Dear Ethicist,

I’d like to play a game. For years, I considered myself above terrorizing public transportation. But I’ve wound up doing just that. At this moment, two high-yield explosives are hidden on rush-hour buses, and disarming one will trigger the other. Now someone needs to make a decision.

I’d love to leave it to law enforcement, but they’ll never find my work in time. And police violence is real. If something happened to me, the dead-man switch in both devices would go off. I’m not sure I could live with that.

Thankfully, there’s you. Arbiter of ethical and unethical. Right and wrong. Life and death. Can you decide which bus survives? You have thirty minutes, so I hope you check your in-box often.

Consider the riders. Among the passengers on Bus One is a retiree, uncertain about whether to confess a long-past affair. On Bus Two is a teacher who recently caught a destitute honor student cheating and is deciding whether to report it. Which of them should live to ponder their separate quandaries?

Ideally, we spare the innocent, right? Does that mean sparing Bus One, on which sits a lifelong activist for a race she’s come to fear? Or Bus Two, where the conflicted heir of a tobacco billionaire dozes? If you fail to choose, both will become ash.

Maybe our careers define our worth. Bus One carries the transmasculine aide to an Alabama legislator. Bus Two carries the designer of a sustainable fashion line that relies on Xinjiang cotton. In half an hour, neither will exist.

Or perhaps love should decide. On Bus One is a neurologist with a longtime love of the N.F.L. Bus Two has a woman who keeps her aging mother from watching reactionary news networks. I doubt that either will find peace before the explosion.

Finally, remember the workers who make mass transit possible. The driver of Bus One knows that her mother hides money from the family. Bus Two’s driver just received a friend request from an old fling’s son. What’s best for them: silence, confrontation, or C-4?

Ah, the classic “two ships, two detonators” problem. I wish I could say that this is the first time I’ve been asked to choose between two buses, boats, or theme parks full of people. But challenges from high-concept domestic terrorists are a daily reality in my field. I endured three trolley problems before completing my dissertation.

Destroy both buses. I don’t care.

There’s no ethical way to engage in your game. You’re an unreliable source, so I cannot fairly evaluate the lives at stake. Even if you’re telling the truth, you’ve left out critical information about the passengers’ dependents, their health, and their willingness to explode. There’s more variance in the latter than you might assume.

Furthermore, my earnest engagement would encourage you to target other advice columnists. If you challenged Dan Savage with sexless couples suspended over a shark tank, I’d be blamed. And rightly so.

I advise you to take a closer look at your potential victims. As their captor, you have a relationship with them, and that gives you the responsibility of choice. What do you want your bombs to stand for? Destroy any bus that conflicts with your values, whether it’s one, both, or neither.

I suspect that it is neither. Your note implies that you’re not interested in mass transit at all. That you’ve compromised your values for attention. What, then, do you want to terrorize? A stock exchange? The U.N.? Your father’s condo? Whatever it is, seek it out and plant bombs you believe in. Even if it’s hard. Then, and only then, will you be ready to face the Batman. ♦

 

4 comments:

  1. BTW, this article is meant to be sarcasm. It's a joke!

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  2. Let them all die, I'd turn into batman and scream "WHERE IS SHE"

    The Joker's face hits the table- comes up for air-CRACK! CRACK! To the head. Batman is in front of him. The Joker stares, fascinated. Bleeding.

    JOKER: Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next-

    CRACK! Batman's fist smacks down on the Joker's fingers.

    JOKER (calm): See?

    Batman: You wanted me. Here I am.

    JOKER: I wanted to see what you'd do...and you didn't disappoint. You let 5 people die. Then you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold.

    BATMAN: Where's Dent?

    JOKER: Those mob fools want you dead so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: there's no going back. You've changed things. Forever.

    BATMAN: Then why do you want to kill me?

    The Joker starts laughing. After a moment he's laughing so hard it sounds like sobbing.

    JOKER: Kill you? I don't wanna kill you. What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No. No. No! No you- you complete me.

    BATMAN: You're garbage who kills for money.

    JOKER: Don't talk like one of them, you're not. Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're a freak. Like me. They just need you right now.

    He regards Batman with something approaching pity.

    JOKER (cont'd): But as soon as they don't they'll cast you out. Like a leper.

    The Joker looks into Batman's eyes. Searching.

    JOKER: Their morals, their code; it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see- I'll show you. When the chips are down these, uh, civilized people? They'll eat each other. See I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.

    Batman GRABS the Joker and pulls him upright.

    INT. OBSERVATION ROOM, MCU, GOTHAM CENTRAL -- NIGHT

    One of the Detectives moves for the door. Gordon stops him.

    GORDON: He's in control.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM, MCU, GOTHAM CENTRAL -- NIGHT

    Batman hoists the Joker up by the neck.

    BATMAN: Where's Dent?

    JOKER: You have these rules, and you think they'll save you.

    BATMAN: I have one rule.

    JOKER: Then that's the one rule you'll have to break to know the truth.

    BATMAN: Which is?

    JOKER: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.

    Batman leans in to the Joker.

    BATMAN: I'm considering it.

    JOKER: There are just minutes left so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save...(with relish)...one of them.

    BATMAN: Them?

    JOKER: For a while I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her...

    Batman drops the Joker- rips up a bolted-down chair-

    INT. OBSERVATION ROOM, MCU, GOTHAM CENTRAL -- NIGHT

    Gordon moves for the door

    INT. OBSERVATION ROOM, MCU -- CONTINUOUS

    Batman jams the chair under the doorknob- picks up the Joker andhurls him into the two-way glass. The glass spiders.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM, MCU, GOTHAM CENTRAL -- NIGHT

    The Joker, bleeding from nose and mouth, laughs at Batman.

    JOKER: Look at you go! Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?

    The Joker smashes into the wall- slides to the floor. Batman stands over him, a man possessed-

    BATMAN: WHERE ARE THEY?

    He grabs the Joker, holding him close

    JOKER: Killing is making a choice!

    Batman punches the Joker across the face. HARD.

    BATMAN: WHERE ARE THEY?

    The Joker feeds off Batman's anger. Loving it.

    JOKER: You choose one life over the other. Your friend, the district attorney, or his blushing bride-to-be.

    Batman punches the Joker again. The Joker laughs.

    JOKER: You have nothing! Nothing to threaten me with! Nothing to do with all your strength. But don't worry. I'm going to tell you where they are. Both of them. And that's the point. You'll have to choose.

    The Batman stares at the Joker...

    JOKER: He's at 250 52nd Street. And she's at Avenue X at Cicero.

    Batman drops him.

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  3. If this is intended as a send-up of the NYT Ethicist, Kwame Anthony Appiah, it fails. He's consistently wise and temperate.

    But maybe it's just making a point about how difficult it is to behave ethically in our time. I'll bet people have always felt that way... people, anyway, who really thought about it.

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